finding cain

Yesterday, just across the street from a coffee shop near the town square, someone caught my attention. A girl, no more than sixteen, though perhaps younger, appeared on the sidewalk with her dog. She wore a beautiful sundress, the kind that sways gently in the late afternoon breeze. She was striking. Mixed race, maybe a European father and a Filipina mother. And there was something about her aura, the way she moved, that reminded me of a ballerina from a Degas painting. For a moment, I couldn’t quite place what it was that drew my gaze. I’m forty-six, married, a father of two. It’s been years since the sight of a stranger has stopped me mid-step. But there she was, and I felt a quick, disorienting pull. Not love, not even lust in the conventional sense, but something more confusing. She walked into a nearby pizzeria, her dog trotting obediently beside her. I followed — not out of any conscious decision, but more out of curiosity, the kind that makes us read the ending of a story even ...

Guess what? The kids are back on Zoom. As of this morning, a number of private schools in Tanauan have made the switch back to online classes due to a recent flu surge, buying them some time to thoroughly disinfect their campuses. Did the grand digital return go smoothly? Of course not. The main issue is that class discussions just aren't as engaging or rich as they are in person. When you can't see the subtle language of a classroom—a slight head nod, the raise of an eyebrow, or even a tiny smirk—it's like a comedian performing to an empty theater; it absolutely kills the motivation. We've been reminded that we truly rely on those subtle body movements and facial expressions to keep us tethered to the fact that we're talking to actual, breathing humans and not just a gallery wall of glowing rectangles. Naturally, technical glitches are a given, and a huge number of students—mine included—were easily distracted and failed to pay attention. "Can you hear me now?...

Before fatherhood found me, I edited videos for television stations and various companies. It's about digitizing clips, unearthing the perfect sequence, picking the right music, and finding the one line in a two-hour interview that the producer wants to include. On a Thursday morning during my stint at TV 5, I paid a heavy toll. It was 4 AM, and to keep up, I’d become a connoisseur of the free kapeng barako from the pantry. Piles of half-eaten fast food take out boxes, empty cans of Coke and energy drink, and abandoned coffee cups covered our desks. A single cup turned into three, then six, then eight. I had a deadline and that liberica was the only thing keeping me awake. In the corner, hunched over a pair of white headphones, was Neil, the master editor. On the other side of the room, gfx artist Ronald was silently polishing his After Effects animation. The room started to spin. I gripped the edge of my seat. Neil walked over, his eyes wide with concern, and put his hand on my s...

So sad this morning to hear of the unexpected death of Laura, an old fiend and former dentist. I will always remember her bizarre taste in music, her dark humor, and her unwavering belief that a person’s worth is tied to their oral care routine. Last year, we wanted to meet and work together again on something and I am very, very sorry that will never happen.  I've mentioned her in a 2015 blog post , and today I will rerun the tale... Not So Happy Ending Not so long ago, I went for a drink in a pub in Ortigas. I had second thoughts about entering the establishment when I noticed there were so many people inside. There were men with ironic beard and pretentious hairstyles dressed in rolled up chinos and check shirts; women in vintage sundresses, skinny jeans, and acid wash denim cutoff shorts; actors and models trying to look hip; and a bunch of call center agents who wanted to get drunk before they start their graveyard shifts. There was this famous guitarist at one table, with sho...

I love biking to school with my children. It's a great way to start the day, and it's a lot of fun. Both of them have their own bicycles, meaning I'm basically herding two slightly erratic cyclists. My kids' two-wheelers are quite new and pretty decent. Mine is more like a rusty ten-speeder with a penchant for chain slippage. It's a cheap, rickety bike from China but it's my vehicle of choice for running errands, and honestly, it gets the job done. My youngest is still working on his steering. My eldest, on the other hand, is all about speed. She thinks she's in the Tour de France, so I'm constantly shouting, "Slow down!" Of course there are moments of near disaster. But you know what? Despite the mayhem, there's something undeniably satisfying about arriving at our destination, slightly out of breath, on our bikes. There are also moments of pure, unadulterated joy – like when we are pedaling along the street, the sun on our faces, the wind...

I was doing some cleaning in my old room at my parents' house and found a dusty, old audio cassette inside a drawer: Breakfast in America by Supertramp – a band I know nothing about. I took the tape home and put it in my damaged, but still working Sanyo boombox. My initial reaction was, "How bad does this sound?" I fully rewound the black rectangular plastic, pressed play and then I started to listen. I was expecting some disco or folk rock type of music, but I was surprised when I heard a familiar voice. " Kumusta ka na d'yan? Eto, okay naman kame dito," a sweet female voice uttered the words. "Miss ka na namin. Uwi ka sa Pasko ha." It was my mother's voice on tape. Before Facebook, Skype or Yahoo! Messenger, Filipino families bridged the geographic gap by using ingenious ways. We didn't own a telephone in the 1980s, and, aside from postcards, handwritten letters and old-fashioned greeting cards, my father, who was then working in ...

Robert De Niro is by far one of my favorite actors. Since his first brilliant performance as Johnny Boy Civello in Mean Streets , De Niro has been one of America's greatest thespians.     The 71-year-old icon was recently invited to give a commencement speech to the 2015 class at New York University's Tisch School of the Arts and delivered a heavy dose of reality to students. "Tisch graduates, you made it," he began. Then, with a pause, he continued: "And, you're f*cked."    The actor splashed his humor throughout the entire speech, but his underlying message was simple. He told the graduates, "On this day of triumphantly graduating, a new door is opening for you: a door to a lifetime of rejection. It's inevitable. It's what graduates call the real world."    Graduation speeches could often get boring. A lot of schools choose speakers who are unlikely to encourage, inspire, or provide advice that will be remembered after the po...

My new neighbor, Juliet, came up to me on the street yesterday while I was pushing my daughter in her stroller, and asked if we could talk. She asked me a lot of questions – where was I originally from and did I like it here and on and on – until I said why should I answer all this. "What about you?" We were standing near the front windows of a small coffee shop, so she asked me if I wanted to have a drink. She thought she had an idea I would be very interested in.    Well, since she's kinda cute and charming, I thought "Oh, why not." She might even be a good friend to have. Then we went inside the coffee shop and we both ordered iced latte. My two-year-old daughter was calm, but observant. I gave her a small cookie to keep her busy for a while, and then Juliet and I went on to discuss our little "business".    We talked about our families, the bad coffee we were drinking, and the weather. Then, just ten minutes or so later, in a strange twist of e...