finding cain

Yesterday, just across the street from a coffee shop near the town square, someone caught my attention. A girl, no more than sixteen, though perhaps younger, appeared on the sidewalk with her dog. She wore a beautiful sundress, the kind that sways gently in the late afternoon breeze. She was striking. Mixed race, maybe a European father and a Filipina mother. And there was something about her aura, the way she moved, that reminded me of a ballerina from a Degas painting. For a moment, I couldn’t quite place what it was that drew my gaze. I’m forty-six, married, a father of two. It’s been years since the sight of a stranger has stopped me mid-step. But there she was, and I felt a quick, disorienting pull. Not love, not even lust in the conventional sense, but something more confusing. She walked into a nearby pizzeria, her dog trotting obediently beside her. I followed — not out of any conscious decision, but more out of curiosity, the kind that makes us read the ending of a story even ...

Guess what? The kids are back on Zoom. As of this morning, a number of private schools in Tanauan have made the switch back to online classes due to a recent flu surge, buying them some time to thoroughly disinfect their campuses. Did the grand digital return go smoothly? Of course not. The main issue is that class discussions just aren't as engaging or rich as they are in person. When you can't see the subtle language of a classroom—a slight head nod, the raise of an eyebrow, or even a tiny smirk—it's like a comedian performing to an empty theater; it absolutely kills the motivation. We've been reminded that we truly rely on those subtle body movements and facial expressions to keep us tethered to the fact that we're talking to actual, breathing humans and not just a gallery wall of glowing rectangles. Naturally, technical glitches are a given, and a huge number of students—mine included—were easily distracted and failed to pay attention. "Can you hear me now?...

Before fatherhood found me, I edited videos for television stations and various companies. It's about digitizing clips, unearthing the perfect sequence, picking the right music, and finding the one line in a two-hour interview that the producer wants to include. On a Thursday morning during my stint at TV 5, I paid a heavy toll. It was 4 AM, and to keep up, I’d become a connoisseur of the free kapeng barako from the pantry. Piles of half-eaten fast food take out boxes, empty cans of Coke and energy drink, and abandoned coffee cups covered our desks. A single cup turned into three, then six, then eight. I had a deadline and that liberica was the only thing keeping me awake. In the corner, hunched over a pair of white headphones, was Neil, the master editor. On the other side of the room, gfx artist Ronald was silently polishing his After Effects animation. The room started to spin. I gripped the edge of my seat. Neil walked over, his eyes wide with concern, and put his hand on my s...

So sad this morning to hear of the unexpected death of Laura, an old fiend and former dentist. I will always remember her bizarre taste in music, her dark humor, and her unwavering belief that a person’s worth is tied to their oral care routine. Last year, we wanted to meet and work together again on something and I am very, very sorry that will never happen.  I've mentioned her in a 2015 blog post , and today I will rerun the tale... Not So Happy Ending Not so long ago, I went for a drink in a pub in Ortigas. I had second thoughts about entering the establishment when I noticed there were so many people inside. There were men with ironic beard and pretentious hairstyles dressed in rolled up chinos and check shirts; women in vintage sundresses, skinny jeans, and acid wash denim cutoff shorts; actors and models trying to look hip; and a bunch of call center agents who wanted to get drunk before they start their graveyard shifts. There was this famous guitarist at one table, with sho...

I love biking to school with my children. It's a great way to start the day, and it's a lot of fun. Both of them have their own bicycles, meaning I'm basically herding two slightly erratic cyclists. My kids' two-wheelers are quite new and pretty decent. Mine is more like a rusty ten-speeder with a penchant for chain slippage. It's a cheap, rickety bike from China but it's my vehicle of choice for running errands, and honestly, it gets the job done. My youngest is still working on his steering. My eldest, on the other hand, is all about speed. She thinks she's in the Tour de France, so I'm constantly shouting, "Slow down!" Of course there are moments of near disaster. But you know what? Despite the mayhem, there's something undeniably satisfying about arriving at our destination, slightly out of breath, on our bikes. There are also moments of pure, unadulterated joy – like when we are pedaling along the street, the sun on our faces, the wind...

If you wanted to be considered uncool in the '90s admit that you were a Take That fan. Luckily, I have always been uncool so there was no lowering of my reputation whenever I told that I love Gary Barlow's voice (and his chuwariwaps) and didn't give a f*ck who knew it.

I saw Akira on Betamax when I was a kid. Trust me, it was a pretty astonishing thing to see at the time. I've seen it five times. I still marvel.

I have a confession to make: I love this track. I remember sitting on the grass of Puerta del Parian in Intramuros listening to my friend shout the song's "I'm not sick but I'm not well. And I'm so hot 'cause I'm in hell" line as loud as he did and louder than I could. 24 years have passed since Flagpole Sitta's release. Its online popularity, relative to every other song from the 90s, is a sound indication for whether it will be remembered by our children's children.

When I was ten years old, David Bowie convinced me that I ought to lose my virginity on the beach. I saw the video for China Girl six years after it launched on MTV, the same year that I began watching The Simpsons . It was the source of my lifelong thing for Asian women with luscious red lips and bizarre make-up. Speaking of Bowie, I was online today and came across this post from Interview Magazine .

Did you ever listen to Faith No More? I did when I was in high school and this morning I wondered, "Did they sound awful?" So I listened to some tunes and the answer is sometimes they sounded atrocious, but King for a Day... Fool for a Lifetime has moments of enjoyability. Here's a song from that album.

As kids, we were all too busy appreciating how good Simon Le Bon looked in his jacket or trying to imitate his dance moves to ever give a f*ck about his lyrics. New Moon on Monday (1983) "Shake up the picture the lizard mixture with your dance on the eventide You got me coming up with answers all of which I deny I said it again but could I please rephrase it, maybe I can catch a ride I couldn't really put it much plainer but I'll wait 'til you decide" The Chauffeur (1982) "The aphids swarm up in the drifting haze Swim seagull in the sky Towards that hollow western Isle My envied lady holds you fast in her gaze" The Reflex (1984) "The reflex is a lonely child, who's waiting by the park The reflex is in charge of finding treasure in the dark And watching over lucky clover, isn't that bizarre? And every little thing the reflex does Leaves you answered with a question mark" Come Undone (1993) "Mine, immaculate dream made breath and ski...

Looking for little, silly, freeloaders with anger issues and separation anxiety? Have kids.

I graduated high school in 1996. While I was there, the radio station that almost everyone on campus listened to was 97.1 WLS FM. It was a good station if you liked hearing the most popular songs of the present played over and over with occasional '80s hits.  I had a crush on a certain girl who was a big fan of The Heights…so one day I tuned my radio to LS and waited for How Do You Talk to an Angel to play. I positioned my portable recorder near the speaker and poised my fingers over the record button to capture the song and give the tape to her. It was a respectable hit back in 1993. I just felt like watching this today so I might as well share it with you.

Thanks to Spotify I have discovered a lot of talented musicians who have fallen into undeserved near-obscurity. I'd never heard of MAVICA, Olivia Dean, or Small Million until their names and songs appeared on Discover Weekly. Let's start the playlist with Apollo (New Love). Some Googling revealed that Tommy Ashby is a Scottish singer-songwriter that has a PhD in psychoacoustics, whatever that means. Enjoy!

Last week, having walked home from the market—a nice, effortless stroll but for the danger of contracting coronavirus—I cleaned the house, fed the dogs, showered, and played with my kids to watch four episodes of Cruel Summer . Set in a small town in Texas in the early nineties, Freeform's new series tells the story of two teen girls: the dorky Jeanette Turner (Chiara Aurelia) and the popular Kate Wallis (Olivia Holt). It reminds me of Pretty Little Liars , but when I first heard the title I thought it was a biopic of Bananarama in their prime years. Cruel Summer is just so-so, but it has enough charm to keep me interested. The secret is to make things that appeal to my inner teen without equating youth with stupidity. It's also loaded with iconic throwback hits, including songs by The Cranberries, INXS, Mazzy Star, and 4 Non Blondes. If you were a kid in the '90s, the soundtrack will likely take you right back.

The band was called Sugar Hiccup and you probably never heard of them; not unless you were in or around Manila in the nineties. Five Years , a haunting three-minute track from their debut album Oracle , is filled with hums, moans, and shrieks. In fact the song has no decipherable lyrics except for one line towards the end (But he will never be back). I haven't listened to this record in maybe a decade, but I need to purge myself of bad thoughts, and songs like this has always done that for me.

There are three seasons in the Philippines. Hot and sunny, hot and raining, or hot, sunny and raining, like a while ago, when the sky was so clear and then something came from the clouds and left the pavement wet. The smell of alimuom was on the air. My two kids were watching Dumbo . Somewhere out of sight, someone was playing a saxophone cover of Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline . The wind blew harder for a while, then subsided as the sky lightened. I know you don't care but I do have some sort of fascination with weather forecasting. Anyway, here's some music.

Life has changed so much. I've been doing a lot of cooking and gardening since I've been home a lot. It turns out that I can live with less: no fast food, no parties, no hanging out at bars and coffee shops. New quarantine hobby: Cactus collecting. Having something to put energy into besides binge-watching can be a way to release stress. Anyway, here's Faithless.

There's a long list of things I can't do. One of them is inline skating. When I was twelve or so, I borrowed a Rollerblade from a friend. After way too many falls and injuries, I decided that I'd just have to get through life without it…and I've somehow managed to this day. So I'm at least a bit impressed with the balance and physical skill of anyone who can skate at all. And I'm really impressed with this young lady from Poland who can do this…

My childhood musical obsessions were Sesame Street songs ,  Queen's Greatest Hits  ,  and the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack of the 1985 film The Goonies , which is also the first movie I ever remember seeing in a theater. See Mikey? That's how I wore my hair every single day in grade school. Those were the good times, but I was too busy waiting for the future to arrive.